First time in what feels like a long time

I couldn’t believe it! No entry has been posted in my blog for almost two months. Oh well, as if I have lots of followers. =P
Of course, many things had happened in those 8 weeks.

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I applied as a Communications Analyst for our program last June. I went through two interviews and I’m glad I passed. Training started last July 7 and will end on September 7. Hopefully, I will be confirmed as the Communications Analyst for Email and Chat. I am under the supervision of Allison whom I consider as a very considerate and generous mentor.

This new job proved to be much more physically demanding than I expected since I already lost a few pounds after a week. It’s like I enrolled myself to a workout program I am not aware of. Monitoring the agents’ emails or chats and conducting huddles and trainings everyday keep me up whole part of the shift.

There are times I would miss being an agent – sitting all day answering emails/chats, handling my own time, keeping my own pace (at least, that’s how it was for me). But, with all the new things I learn everyday, I just need to remind myself of how blessed I am to be doing what I’ve been wishing for. There’s no reason to be ungrateful.

People ask me if working as a Communications Analyst is hard. For me, it is, but since I enjoy what I’m doing, it makes everything much easier to bear. I’m happy that I am helping agents to do their jobs better. I’m glad that I have the opportunity to share what I know. I’m excited to learn new things that will help me be a better teacher.

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My dad celebrated his 55th birthday last August 15th. He arrived from Bicol last August 10 to spend a week here in Manila for much deserved vacation.
He had a party at my aunt’s house with most of his siblings and nephews and nieces present. I wasn’t able to come to the party because Ceasar, Josine and I had to drop by at Nini’s house to greet her a “happy birthday”. (Nini is like our adopted child.)

I did go to church with Dada, Tita Liza, JV, Josine, Ceasar and other relatives for a thanksgiving mass.

Ceasar and I celebrated our 5th anniversary (since August 17 fell on a Monday this year) by catching the last screening of the hilarious film, “The Hangover” that Saturday. We just had a little snack at the Coffee Bean. Laughing for almost two hours sure made us hungry. We grabbed a late dinner at Javi’s Sikatuna on our way home.

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L.A. visited the Philippines again after a 3-day mission in Vietnam. We had dinner at Cabalen, Trinoma branch. Too bad, I was not feeling well that day. I didn’t get to enjoy her company, but I’m glad that we spent time together. Hopefully, she will be back again in January.

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Rodney, Jefferson and I got together one Saturday. I missed those guys. We met up at Trinoma and grabbed an early dinner at Bigoli’s, my favorite Italian restaurant (good food at an affordable price). They wanted to have a few drinks so we went straight to Quattro at Timog, Q.C. We stayed there until 3 a.m. since they still have to catch up with some of their guy friends back home.

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Last Sunday, Mau, Kuya Raul and Doie were here at our place. I miss hanging out with them. It’s been a while since we last got together. I just hope we would put an end to the habit of watching our old gigs and showing them to new friends. =P

Hopefully, our plans to go to Sagada soon will push through. I really feel the need to get out of the city.

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In two months, I was able to watch 3 movies. THREE MOVIES!! That’s a personal record.
Nothing But The Truth – watch it at your own risk. You may like it or you may not.
The Hangover – SUPER FUNNY!! It’s a combination of wit and slapstick comedy, so I guess, it’s a good formula for a hilarious movie.
And I Love You So – bring packets of tissues and I mean, PACKETS! Confirmed, Bea is one of the best actresses of her generation. Sam Milby is so hot!!

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I’m so excited!
WHO: ATO Reactive Uno Animo peeps
WHAT: Uno Animo’s Anniversary and mid-year Wish List party
WHEN: September 5, 2009, Saturday, around 6.30am
Finally, this much-awaited event has a date. Yup, you read it right, guys! Around 6.30am. With our different shifts, this is the best time to get together. I’m so happy that everyone was okay with it. It shows that everyone misses everyone. Hehehe.. I can’t wait to take our pictures na yung iba ay pagod dahil sa puyat o pagod dahil kulang pa sa tulog.

totally random stuff

I’ve not been feeling well since yesterday. I thought it was just because I’ve been lacking sleep for the past week, so I tried to get as much sleep as I could over the weekend but it got worse. I found that it’s PMS and acid peptic disease combined. Greeeat! I need to feel better tonight, I don’t want to be absent from work tomorrow. I badly needed to improve my metrics since I now feel the need to find better opportunities in the office. What with Vayie and Tin leaving, reality is starting to sink in. I am happy that I am still under Mitch’s supervision. She may not be the perfect supervisor but at least, I can be open with her about any work-related concerns. I just don’t want to wait for the time when I will have to deal with another drastic change – a new team or a new supervisor (worse, a new schedule) which can be stressful on my part since I like making plans.

Our team had our picture taken today with Tetay as our willing photographer. I don’t know what that’s for nor do I care. I’m just being a good follower and I hope it’s enough for them. No one's forcing me to get along with my new teammates. I know they are a good bunch but I really take a lot of time to warm up to people so I hope no one’s going to force the issue.

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Ever since Vayie left, I’ve been seating on the ATO Reactive bay. It’s my little way of dealing with the sadness – being with Tetay, Khim and Tin – makes me feel a little less sad every day. I’m thankful that Mitch does not mind me staying there. I really feel the need to stay around people close to me, to keep me from “being insane”, to still give me enough reason to stay. I also found a less reason to dislike J since she has not made an issue about me staying in their bay.

Being with Tetay and Khim (since Tin has already left the company) brings great comfort. I don’t feel the need to always talk to them. Their presence and even their silence are enough reason to make me look forward to come work everyday. It’s also nice to listen to their stories without the need to always “react” without the fear of being misinterpreted. I just love being around them!

However, Mitch asked us yesterday to sit by the bay near her station. I don’t mind, so long as I can be with Tetay and Khim almost every day. Cacai also started hanging out with us more often than usual since she’s so gaga over their wedding preparations. She’s almost close to deciding what theme their wedding will revolve around and I think we’re doing a fine job helping her out. =)

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Last Friday, June 19th, I got a call from my college professor. I was so surprised to get an offer from her – a full-time teaching job in a college in Quezon City. Oh, how I would love to have that job, but I couldn’t accept the offer (they needed confirmation the same day) since there are so many things to consider before leaving the company. With a heavy heart, I had to turn the offer down. I didn’t even have the courage to ask for the details (compensation, benefits, schedule, etc.) because I’m afraid. Yes, I am afraid. Call me a coward, but I still don’t have the guts to take the risk or to make a change – not now, not yet.

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I just finished reading the Twilight Saga for the fourth time. I also started reading another book (e-book) about vampires, entitled, “Dead Until Dark”, the first of the seven books about the life and love (?) of Sookie Stackhouse with a vampire.

The ability to read minds was shown to be a blessing and a curse in these books. I often wonder how this power can affect the relationships I have with the people in my life and around me. If I ask my friends this question:

If I were able to read your thoughts about me, do you think I would still want you to be my friend?

Would I get comforting answers? Would I get an HONESTanswer? Would I find the answers unsettling that I will start doubting the friendship I share with the people I consider special in my life?

Maybe that’s why God didn’t give all of us that power because there are some things better left unsaid. I think, we all managed to be happy at some point in our lives on a need-to-know basis. We can never truly measure a person’s love based on honesty alone. Of course, I don’t like the thought of being lied to. In spite of the fact that we can never be 100% sure that a person has been really truthful in a certain situation, we still find it in our hearts to take a person’s word as truth at a particular moment, because in the end, what matters most is the trust that we have for that person and the faith we have for the relationship we have for them.

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You should try reading Charlaine Harris’ Sookie Stackhouse novels. The plot is interesting but beware Twilight fans, you might find the vampire in the story not as endearing as our beloved Edward. Bill, the vampire/love(?) interest of Sookie, can sort of give you the impression that he is, um, horny and a little rough (ends up biting Sookie when he’s coming). This is to prevent yourselves from being disappointed. I was, at first, and the “vulgar” words can be overwhelming, most especially when you still have a hang-over from Edward’s sweet nothings to Bella.

I think it’s more action-packed and sexual than romantic but it’s alright. The book caught my attention and that’s a start.

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You should try Andok’s soft ice cream. It’s yummy and it doesn’t have the “medicine” after-taste. Khim made me try it and I’m glad she did, because the ice cream made me happy. Ha!

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Tetay, Tin, Khim and I decided to hold a mid-year wish list party (before Tin left the company). We will call it the Anti-Resignation Mid-year Wish List Party. Our traditional wish list party usually takes place before Christmas but since we’ll never know who will be leaving the company next, we think it’s appropriate to find time to spend time together while we are still in touch with one another.

I know Revo, Dahl, Resty, Spawn and Joel would love to spend time with us again, but it’s understandable why they can’t attend our gatherings because of their respective lives and jobs. That is why we feel the urgency to have this special party. I have yet to think of the details to make this wish list more special. Hopefully, I’ll finish this before the end of the month.

totally random stuff

I’ve not been feeling well since yesterday. I thought it was just because I’ve been lacking sleep for the past week, so I tried to get as much sleep as I could over the weekend but it got worse. I found that it’s PMS and acid peptic disease combined. Greeeat! I need to feel better tonight, I don’t want to be absent from work tomorrow. I badly needed to improve my metrics since I now feel the need to find better opportunities in the office. What with Vayie and Tin leaving, reality is starting to sink in. I am happy that I am still under Mitch’s supervision. She may not be the perfect supervisor but at least, I can be open with her about any work-related concerns. I just don’t want to wait for the time when I will have to deal with another drastic change – a new team or a new supervisor (worse, a new schedule) which can be stressful on my part since I like making plans.

Our team will have our picture taken on Wednesday and I don’t know what that’s for nor do I care. I’m just being a good follower and I hope it’s enough for them. I hope no one will force me to get along with my new teammates. I know they are a good bunch but I really take a lot of time to warm up to people so I hope no one’s going to force the issue.

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Ever since Vayie left, I’ve been seating on the ATO Reactive bay. It’s my little way of dealing with the sadness – being with Tetay, Khim and Tin – makes me feel a little less sad every day. I’m thankful that Mitch does not mind me staying there. I really feel the need to stay around people close to me, to keep me from “being insane”, to still give me enough reason to stay. I also found a less reason to dislike J since she has not made an issue about me staying in their bay.

Being with Tetay and Khim (since Tin has already left the company) brings great comfort. I don’t feel the need to always talk to them. Their presence and even their silence are enough reason to make me look forward to come work everyday. It’s also nice to listen to their stories without the need to always “react” without the fear of being misinterpreted. I just love being around them!

However, Mitch asked us yesterday to sit by the bay near her station. I don’t mind, so long as I can be with Tetay and Khim almost every day. Cacai also started hanging out with us more often than usual since she’s so gaga over their wedding preparations. She’s almost close to deciding what theme their wedding will revolve around and I think we’re doing a fine job helping her out. =)

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Last Friday, June 19th, I got a call from my college professor. I was so surprised to get an offer from her – a full-time teaching job in a college in Quezon City. Oh, how I would love to have that job, but I couldn’t accept the offer (they needed confirmation the same day) since there are so many things to consider before leaving the company. With a heavy heart, I had to turn the offer down. I didn’t even have the courage to ask for the details (compensation, benefits, schedule, etc.) because I’m afraid. Yes, I am afraid. Call me a coward, but I still don’t have the guts to take the risk or to make a change – not now, not yet.

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I just finished reading the Twilight Saga for the fourth time. I also started reading another book (e-book) about vampires, entitled, “Dead Until Dark”, the first of the seven books about the life and love (?) of Sookie Stackhouse with a vampire.

The ability to read minds was shown to be a blessing and a curse in these books. I often wonder how this power can affect the relationships I have with the people in my life and around me. If I ask my friends this question:

If I were able to read your thoughts about me, do you think I would still want you to be my friend?

Would I get comforting answers? Would I get an HONESTanswer? Would I find the answers unsettling that I will start doubting the friendship I share with the people I consider special in my life?

Maybe that’s why God didn’t give all of us that power because there are some things better left unsaid. I think, we all managed to be happy at some point in our lives on a need-to-know basis. We can never truly measure a person’s love based on honesty alone. Of course, I don’t like the thought of being lied to. In spite of the fact that we can never be 100% sure that a person has been really truthful in a certain situation, we still find it in our hearts to take a person’s word as truth at a particular moment, because in the end, what matters most is the trust that we have for that person and the faith we have for the relationship we have for them.

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You should try reading Charlaine Harris’ Sookie Stackhouse novels. The plot is interesting but beware Twilight fans, you might find the vampire in the story not as endearing as our beloved Edward. Bill, the vampire/love(?) interest of Sookie, can sort of give you the impression that he is, um, horny and a little rough (ends up biting Sookie when he’s coming). This is to prevent yourselves from being disappointed. I was, at first, and the “vulgar” words can be overwhelming, most especially when you still have a hang-over from Edward’s sweet nothings to Bella.

I think it’s more action-packed and sexual than romantic but it’s alright. The book caught my attention and that’s a start.

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You should try Andok’s soft ice cream. It’s yummy and it doesn’t have the “medicine” after-taste. Khim made me try it and I’m glad she did, because the ice cream made me happy. Ha!

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Tetay, Tin, Khim and I decided to hold a mid-year wish list party (before Tin left the company). We will call it the Anti-Resignation Mid-year Wish List Party. Our traditional wish list party usually takes place before Christmas but since we’ll never know who will be leaving the company next, we think it’s appropriate to find time to spend time together while we are still in touch with one another.

I know Revo, Dahl, Resty, Spawn and Joel would love to spend time with us again, but it’s understandable why they can’t attend our gatherings because of their respective lives and jobs. That is why we feel the urgency to have this special party. I have yet to think of the details to make this wish list more special. Hopefully, I’ll finish this before the end of the month.

Wicked Wednesday

It’s Wednesday and my second working day for this week. Usually, a work week can be a drag, but thanks to my friends in the office, as our APM puts it, time flies when you’re having fun. Maybe, even when you’re not.

We’re only half way through the week but a lot of things have happened. I really find it surprising how life can still put an oomph when you least expect it and when you almost start to believe that are things are going to be the way they are for a while.

I still miss Vayie like a lost appendage. I dare not express this with everyone. I guess, it’s something I share with her and I prer to keep it that way until… I really don’t know when. I just can’t wait read Vayie’s new entries about her life AFTER SGS. I feel things will eventually be better for me if I am regularly assured that she is treated well. As if she’ll allow anyone to mess with her!

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Great news came my way yesterday. Uno Animo’s baby sister, Cacai, will be Mrs. Von Ivan Basio in 2010, though she just insisted that she''ll keeping her name. Showbiz!! I am very happy for her. At her young age, she finally found the person she wants to spend the rest of her life with. Siyempre, naramdaman kong napag-iiwanan na ako. Hehehe… Sabi ko nga kay Tin, tatalakan ko na naman si Ceasar pag-uwi ko.

Anyway, this is not about me and my frustrations. This is about the happiness of a little sister (who’s not really little) who deserves the best in life. I love you, Cai!!

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ANG BILIS NA TALAGA NG PERA NGAYON – ANG BILIS MAWALA! =P I can’t believe that today is only the 17th. I’m just glad I have already done the grocery, paid for the bills and gave my sister her allowance, so all’s good. At least, I took care of all my financial obligations for this particular pay-out.

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I finally got my phone back! Thanks to Tamyheart who helped me in getting it fixed for only Php700.

Originally, I had my phone checked at Nokia Care Alimall. I was really decided to get it fixed there, but when the technician told me that I have to pay Php4576 to get my phone working. Napaisip talaga ako! Bagong telepono na yun ‘no?! As much as I want to, I had to decline. With Josine starting school again, I already anticipate a lot of expenses that’ll go with the first few weeks of school like books, school supplies and other possible fees, so it’s not practical to shell out almost 5000 bucks for a phone.

Good thing, Tamyheart (my good friend from college) knows someone who can fix my phone for a much lower price. Now, I’m texting again! Yay!!! NOT!

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And the most special thing to do today is greet Ceasar a…


HAPPY, HAPPY 58TH MONTHSARY, BUBI PACHIEZ!

Hahaha! I know that’s so cheesy and so high school, but hey, it’s another month for us so I really don’t mind being called cheesy or whatever.

We may not have a fancy way to celebrate this special day, but I’m glad that after all these years and all the things we’ve been through, he still remembers this time of the month as a day to be grateful for who we are and what we have together – ALWAYS!

Okay, so maybe I am no longer THAT upset that everyone’s seems to be getting married except me. What really matters is that we’re happy and that even if we continue to struggle with our own demons, we still find refuge and strength in each other. I am grateful that we have love and friendship to back us up when we feel weak.

So, chupchoppy, thank you for everything. I love you. Happy monthsary!

Good night and enjoy the rest of the week, everyone!

Hello everyone! I just want to share with you this cool exercise that my professor, Prof. Orlino Rabago, forwarded to me after the end of our classes last summer. Most of the people close to me how crazy I am about grammar and pronunciation, if not the English language itself. I already tried it and I'm happy to realise that there is still so much to learn. So, go ahead and try it for yourself, friends! Have fun!


If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native speakers in the world. After trying the verses, a Frenchman said he’d prefer six months of hard labor to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself.


Bert Christensen’s

Truth and Humor Collection

English Pronunciation!

6
Dearest creature in creation, study English pronunciation. I will teach you in my verse sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse. I will keep you, Suzy, busy, make your head with heat grow dizzy. Tear in eye, your dress will tear. So shall I! Oh hear my prayer. Just compare heart, beard, and heard, dies and diet, lord and word, sword and sward, retain and Britain (Mind the latter, how it’s written). Now I surely will not plague you with such words as plaque and ague. But be careful how you speak.

8
We say actual but victual. Refer does not rhyme with deafer. Pauper does, and zephyr, heifer. Mint, pint, senate and sedate; dull, bull, and George ate late. Scenic, Arabic, Pacific, Science, conscience, scientific. Liberty, library, heave and heaven, Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven. We say hallowed but allowed, people, leopard, towed, but vowed. Mark the differences, moreover, between mover, cover, clover: leeches, breeches, wise, precise, chalice, but police and lice: camel, constable, unstable, principle, disciple, label.

7
Petal, panel, and canal, wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal. Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair, senator, spectator, mayor. Tour, but our and succor, four, gas, alas, and Arkansas. Sea, idea, Korea, area, psalm, Maria, but malaria. Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean. Doctrine, turpentine, marine. Compare alien with Italian, dandelion and battalion. Sally with ally, yea, ye, eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key. Say aver, but ever, fever, neither, leisure, skein, deceiver. Heron, granary, canary. Crevice and device and aerie. Face but preface, not efface.

2
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass. Large, but target, gin, give, verging, ought, out, joust and scour, scourging. Ear, but earn and wear and tear, say break and steak, but bleak and streak; cloven, oven, how and low, script, receipt, show, poem, and toe. Hear me say, devoid of trickery, daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore, typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles, exiles, similes, and reviles; scholar, vicar, and cigar, solar, mica, war and far; one, anemone, Balmoral, kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel; Gertrude, German, wind and mind. Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
5
Billet does not rhyme with ballet, bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet, blood and flood are not like food, nor is mould, like should and would. Viscous, viscount, load and broad, toward, to forward, to reward. And the pronunciation’s OK when you correctly say croquet, rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve, friend and fiend, alive and live. Ivy, privy, famous; clamor and enamor rhyme with hammer. River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb. Doll and roll and some and home. Stranger does not rhyme with anger, neither does devour with clangor.

1
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt, font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant, shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger, and then singer, ginger, linger, real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge, marriage, foliage, mirage, and age. Query does not rhyme with very, nor does fury sound like bury. Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loath. Job, knob, transom, oath. Though the differences seem little.

3
Do not rhyme with here but ere. Seven is right, but so is even, hyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen, monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk, ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work. Pronunciation (think of Psyche!!! ). Is paling stout and spiky? Won’t it make you lose your wits, writing grouts and saying grits? It’s a dark abyss or tunnel: strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale, Islington and Isle of Wight, housewife, verdict and indict. Finally, which rhymes with enough, though, through, plough, or dough, or cough? Hiccough has the sound of cup.

My advice is to give up !!!

Sunday Special

We ordered pizza at Jugno’s Monster Pizza last night. The pizza was good and left us all stuffed for the next two weeks. I am thankful that I have the Sun-Mon off, now that I am in the morning shift since I now get to spend time with my family over dinner and movies. I wished this schedule would be mine for good, but, of course, I know I can only wish.

Anyway, Ceasar finally bought the Globe Tattoo prepaid kit and so we can now surf the net from the comforts of our home. The connection can be slow at times but we can still watch videos and download songs with no problem. I can now check my Facebook account and update my blog at home. Guess, I no longer have an excuse to not have the pictures uploaded in my site as soon as possible, but I know my friends, especially my Uno Animo team won’t mind since they’re already used to the delay. Tamad lang talaga ako. I spent almost five hours surfing the net. At heto, hindi pa rin nagsasawa. Naaaliw talaga ako kasi hindi ko akalain na ayos din naman pala kahit prepaid.


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Ceasar and I went to the mall today to hang out and look for a new pair of jeans for him. We took Josine and Kmart with us, to spend some time with them, too.

Though there were a lot of people hanging out in the mall, I still found it relaxing to visit my favorite bookstores and window shop for stuff I want to buy in the future.

Ceasar and I got a pair of jeans and a new shirt respectively. We also bought our favorite Zen Zest scents. Josine bought another shirt for school (it’s her first day of school tomorrow) and a charm bracelet on sale.

Kmart had a blast at the many stores we visited particularly at Fully Booked and Toy Kingdom. It’s so much more difficult to have him along among the crowd as he can easily get lost in the sea of people. It took a lot of energy to run after him or keep up with him whenever he gets excited but it’s all worth it, thinking that in a few years, he may never want to spend time with his Tita. (*sniffs)

We then had an early dinner at Burger King. As usual, we felt like we couldn’t breathe after eating. (Hahaha!) We decided to hunt for more books to burn some of the calories. We also went looking for a watch. Hopefully, I will have a new one tomorrow.

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We’re halfway through the month of June and I want to send my birthday wishes to the following people:

June 8 – Auntie Medy

June 9 – Mahmu

June 10 – Albert Mallorca and Wilbur Quimba

Happy, happy birthday!! ♥♥♥

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For the past 3 days, I’ve been singing the song, “Thinking of You” by Katy Perry almost everywhere. Thanks to Tin. Because of this song, we got to share some of our feelings and it’s a relief to finally have someone understand or at least, listen to what I feel.

I am not sure if actually talking about it helped since I’ve been trying to suppress the feeling and stop entertaining any more thoughts to silly ideas. Every time I feel I’ve gotten over it, there would be times when it would hit me the way it did the first time and I would have to start all over again to gain the confidence I worked so hard for.

Talking to Tin made me feel like I should really take things slow and not force myself to simply shift from one to the other. I think I really need to be careful about myself as I may end up crazy or something.

I know I am not making sense now and I won’t force myself to do so. I think I owe to myself to take my time and be kinder to myself.

Have a great week ahead of you!!

liking the unlikeable, bearing the unbearable

I’ve watched the TV series, House for a week now and I’m starting to have a huge crush on Hugh Laurie’s character. Dr. Gregory House may be the most cynical and insensitive person I have “known”, but he is the true person in all of us. We all sometimes think the way he does but we are just not that brave to express what we feel.

His candor endeared him to me. I may find his words a little hurtful (maybe because I am not used to that kind of bluntness) but those words are what most people need since we spend too much time sugarcoating feelings even though we already feel like blowing up.

I know I am not ready for Dr. House’s kind of honesty but I feel this kind of honesty makes some situations a lot easier to deal with. (right now, I couldn’t think of an example. Anyone?)

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Last December, I said that I’m giving myself two months before I decide if I leave my present job. Guess what’s my decision? CLUE: I’m still here. Ha!

Believe me, I wasn’t bluffing when I said that then. I just couldn’t think of myself at this point. Of course, I’m part of the reason why I am not resigning. I don’t feel like going through interviews yet. I fear that if I ever answer another question from an initial interview, I might win a title, a crown and a chance to represent our country in a prestigious pageant.

However, I’m starting to feel the stress again. My new teammates are nice and very accommodating. I still get to spend time with my friends (former teammates) during lunch. I just don’t know why I’m feeling this. A migraine is not helping at all. (Kahit hindi ako nagsusuka – sariling version ko to nang migraine)

Now that Vayie is gone, I feel like it's getting worse. Today, I was chatting my day away like a zombie, no desire to make any human connection unless I have no idea what I'll be doing with a particular member's concern. I even found myself shedding a few tears here and there whenever I am not looking at myself. I realized my behavior is almost to the point of being pathetic but who cares? I am alone on a Saturday and I feel it's my right to simply wallow in whatever emotions I have. I feel like a lost a part of me and I'm still notm over the loss.

I'm bluffing when I said I would leave the company. I don't have the guts yet, I can still bear with whatever hell "they" want to throw at us, agents and I still can't feel the kick leaving a bruise. So there!

Happy birthday, mahmu!

It's my mom's birthday today. It's a wonderful reminder of the years she spent with us -- loving us, taking care of, nurturing us and stopping us for doing what we usually want to do.

This day is also a reminder of her absence since she went to heaven two years ago. The feeling of losing her is still fresh but the pain seems so far away. Everytime I or we experience hardships, I'm relieved that she's no longer with us today -- to worry about us, to cry or to feel frustrated when she feels helpless. I'm happy that she's out there praying for us and loving us in her own way God has allowed her to.

It's her turn to be worry-free, just watch us make her proud of how we handle things. I could see her face cringe whenever we make certain decisions but I know that she trusts us that we make them for the best of everyone.

I still miss her -- a lot! I still do find myself cry at times when I feel alone and talk to her as if she's just right beside me, but in the long run, I am thankful that she's already at peace with herself and with our Creator.

I miss our laughter, I miss her fascinating stories and animated expressions. I miss how she takes care of us and how she always makes us feel loved. I miss how she reprimands us over the most trivial of things. I miss shopping for homewares with her. I MISS EVERYTHING ABOUT HER.

Mahmu, happy birthday! I miss you a lot. Don't worry, we'll be okay. Thank you for everything. Thank you for loving us always. I love, Ma. Happy birthday!

school's almost done --- YAY!

I'm almost done with my classes. Only a few more days left to deal with the exams. I'm so nervous. I don't really have that much time to study for all my subjects and I feel that my brain is about to explode due to information overload. It would be such a big relief to go through them without any problems.

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I got a call from Mitch, my supervisor regarding my new RDs. I will still be on the same shift, i.e. 10pm-7am with Thu and Friday as my RDs. I have no complains about it since I will still be working on weekends (which I like since there are less people on the floor). I just hope there is still a chance for me to be on the morning shift soon. I jus miss being with my sister and my nephew (of course, with Csar too) in the evening, just watching TV/DVDs or whatever. The idea to live a "normal" life for a couple of months is something that I always look forward to as it helps me get through the two months of GY shift. It is what I call the light at the end of a tunnel.

But with how things are going in the office, that little hope is slowly fading away.

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I want to thank Sir Mark for being so accommodating in changing my transition off from Tuesday to Monday, but all my hugs go to Kuya Luck who gave way. He gave me his Monday transition off and will be working 6 days straight so I have the time to prepare for a big day. Thank you, Kuya Luck!

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It's so sad to hear that some people would not accommodate two people's wishes for their own convenience. I may not understand the job that they do because I am not in their position but is it really that difficult to be considerate in this industry? It's not like they asked her to move mountains. I'm sure she can make the necessary adjustments, after all, it's not like she's going to coach that person everyday. She just doesn't want to. As we often say in Filipino, kung gusto, may paraan; kung ayaw, may dahilan.

I am amazed at how this world seems to be coming to. Powertripping is like an "in" thing these days. I always wonder why power is given to those who CANNOT handle it. Some people tend to forget that they are dealing with people not just with metrics and product knowledge and quality to be maintained or obtained.

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I sometimes forget that Kmart is growing up. I think I will forever be in denial that he will soon be a young man leading his own life.

He always expect me or Csar to bring home something for him like a large tumbler of iced tea or a chocolate bar. He would be show us a sad face (sad puppy dog eyes and pouty lips) when we don't have anything for him.

He has been like this for the past couple of weeks for some reason I don't know. He was never like this -- demanding. Hahaha! Yesterday, I decided to bring him something. I stopped by at the Hi-Top supermarket after class to buy him one of his favorites -- Hello Panda biscuits. He was so happy and all giddy. (Yes, Vayie, Kmart is a giddy kid too, but please note that Tita Jen is way giddier). =P

We watched TV while he happily munched on the treat. RJ, Josine and I were talking about how are we going to celebrate Kmart's 3rd birthday. No big party yet for Kmart, since most of our friends don't have kids that we can invite should we have a children's birthday. We'll just save the idea when Kmart is already in school. Hopefully, he'll have classmates and friends his age. =P

Anyway, going back to the discussion we're having about Kmart's birthday, I already volunteered that I will buy Kmart a cake for his birthday. To our surprise, he suddenly blurted out: "Salamat!" I found it really sweet that I immediately gave him a big hug. Siyempre, medyo naiiyak pa ako. Ang sweet talaga ng pampangkin ko.

To a friend, in agony

How do you teach someone to love and teach yourself not to love that person anymore? How do you love a person who doesn't want to take that risk of loving you with no guarantees? How do you love a person who says he loves you but is scared to be responsible for your feelings? How do you let go of someone who leaves you to fate and not fight for what he feels for you? How do you let go of someone whom you love more than he loves you? How do you stop yourself to love someone who doesn't want to throw caution to the wind?

The logical answer would be to let him go, right? But do you use logic when you love a person? Well, you know you should but that doesn't seem to work most of the time, does it? However, there's a pull of an unknown gravity towards that person who you should've let go ages ago. That doesn't seem to ring true at all, too. You stay because you want to. You love that person because you love him - no matter how painful and frustrating loving him is. Or is it because we, human beings (or at least, most of us, putting it mildly) are masochists by nature? We deal with pain as if it is a reward or we are getting a reward by dealing with it. OR this is just one of the mysteries of love.

Is it right to doubt such love when the person refuses to feel "responsible" for the other person's feelings? Is it right to think less of that love when one asks for guarantees? Do you put less effort when the other leaves you to fate? Would you still love that person with the same intensity and passion regardless of how the other chooses to love you and deal with the feelings he has for you? Or are you just like that person who is asking for a guarantee, a promise that they will wait for you or will love you no matter what happens? Do you just prefer hearing those words rather than face the reality of all possibilities?

Have you ever loved this way before? Have you ever felt so helpless and powerful at the same time? Helpless that you simply entrust your heart to someone who leaves you to fate; but powerful enough to go through the pain and fear and still love him unconditionally.

Your heart is torn apart by the fact that you can't make him do anything else. You don't have the heart to make him do something that he doesn't want to. It would be like being with a stranger if it comes to that. All that's left to do is to make him understand where you're coming from. Yet, you are disturbed because you need to make a choice -- for yourself, for your own sanity. It's normal you'd feel guilty thinking of the easy way out, but you know deep inside you, it's the right thing to do. I know this is not a walk in the park to decide on something like this. This could mean you're letting go of someone you want to spend the rest of your life with or you're opening your world to a life that's more promising and fulfilling than you could ever imagine.

It would've been easier if you just heard him say: "it's not going to work, sweetheart. Let's move on." or "let's make this work. It won't be easy but I'm willing to take that leap of faith with you." Either way, he will make a choice and it would be easier for you to decide for yourself. But here you are now, trying your best to make a choice with your heart in HIS hand. Every moment spent with him is heaven and torture because you'll never know if each could be the last.

You think you're a fool, but you're not. At least, I think that you aren't. I know you're trying your hardest to turn your back on this love but love chose you. I just hope you'd remember that you do have the right to choose and may you find the strength to make one soon.

We may not feel the sense of urgency that this situation calls for but I know it is important that you get this over with. Have faith in yourself. Believe you will make the right choice for yourself, for your future. Please go to where your happiness is. We may not be living in a world of fairy tales, but that shouldn't stop you from making your life one.

For now, while you are in agony, please remember you are allowed to cry heart out and I hope this song to help you do that.

Have you ever loved somebody so much
It makes you cry
Have you ever needed something so bad
You can't sleep at night
Have you ever tried to find the words
But they don't come out right
Have you ever, have you ever

Have you ever been in love
Been in love so bad
You'd do anything to make them understand
Have you ever had someone steal your heart away
You'd give anything to make them feel the same
Have you ever searched for words to get you in their heart
But you don't know what to say
And you don't know where to start
[Chorus]

Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all of your life
You'd do just about anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for the day when they will care
[Chorus]

What do I gotta do to get you in my arms baby
What do I gotta say to get to your heart
To make you understand how I need you next to me
Gotta get you in my world
'Cuz baby I can't sleep

55th monthsary

HAPPY MONTHSARY, BUBI PACHIEZ! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

**sigh

As usual, I am in my work station. Fresh from my off, I am not in any mood to socialize with my teammates. I just greeted Kuya Rico, Mitch and Vayie when I arrived, went to my station and started setting up my tools - in silence.

I'm glad my teammates are now used to how I am when I am here in the office. They no longer ask me if there's something wrong whenever I stay in the "secluded" part of the bay. They now understand that I prefer working in silence. I am no longer misinterpreted. Of course, I do interact with them, every now and then. I laugh when I find something or someone funny. I always have a smile to spare whenever I see my teammates at the pantry, by the lockers or before I go home. I just prefer working this way.

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I miss...

...reading my friends' blogs.

...eating Jollibee's Nacho Overload.

...hanging out at National Bookstore for hours.

...singing in a choir.

...teaching grammar.

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I crave for...

...TomatoKick's pesto pizza.

...nacho cheddar popcorn.

...a Biggie-sized lite iced tea from Wendy's.

...a Bacon Cheeseburger double decker from Domino's.

...chocolate cake from Julie's bakeshop.

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I can't wait...

...to see Josine graduate.

...for people who don't have respect for other people's time.

...forever.

...to catch the next Harry Potter movie.

...to see Kmart on his first day of school.

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________ is hot.

Wentworth Miller...

Bigoli's red pepper sauce...

Craig David's Insomnia...

Aerosmith's video, "Amazing"...

Angel Locsin's F&H summer billboard in Guadalupe...

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Congratulations and best wishes to Kuya Dom and Ate Shiela who got married last Tuesday, April 14th at the Our Lady of Mt. Carmel Parish in Project 6, Quezon City.

All I can say is... FINALLY!! Heheheh. Kidding aside, I'm very happy for you and I love you both. I wish you love and happiness, strength and wisdom in doing God's work , now as husband and wife.

turmoil and tranquility

I went to church to attend mass for the first time in a very long time and I'm glad I did. The priest gave a good homily. No politics, no socio-economic problems mentioned. It was all about what the new tomorrow brings -- hope, opportunity and freedom.

For years, after the incident that almost cost me my life and my family, I've been contented in communicating with God through prayers. I feel unworthy being in His "presence", that I never felt comfortable to any church at all.

Attending the mass yesterday was the first of hopefully, many visits I will make. I am grateful God gave me the strength to overcome my doubt, guilt and fears. The homily confirmed the path I am taking and I am thankful that He continues to guide me in everything I do.

I went home with peace and gratitude in my heart. I can feel my mom smiling down at me. As a devout Catholic, she wanted me to go back to church, but as my mom, she understood why I couldn't take that step then. Now, I did it. I hope she's a little happier.

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My newfound peace was challenged and I failed...

I know I admitted in one of my latest entries that I am unhappy and that I still remember the people who were responsible for this, but that doesn't mean I spend most of my waking moments here at work looking for a way to get even with them. I am doing a great job believing that they no longer exist and am now used to the fact that their feelings no longer matter to me.

But this one - she's really pushing me to the limit. She still takes things personal and she uses her position to make things go her way. She was successful in making most people believe that she was the victim and now she's on the loose again.

Looking back, I still feel sad that our relationship ended up from being something to nothing. I no longer consider her a person who can be trusted and respected. I have nothing for her except disgust and disbelief when she does something directed to me.

I understand she's concern about her agents meeting their stats but that doesn't mean she should directly blame my short visits to my former teammates' stations to be the reason. Did she not consider other factors leading to such results?

Kapag kayo ang nakikinabang, ayos lang na baluktutin ang mga patakaran dito. Pero pag nasa katwiran naman ang mga hiling ng ahente, kahit umiyak nang dugo, hindi ninyo pagbibigyan at kukwestyunin nyo pa ang pagpapahalaga nito sa trabaho.

Katulad ng nangyari sa kaibigan ko. Inabutan siya ng malakas na ulan nung paluwas na siya ng Maynila galing sa probinsya niya nung off niya. Tumawag siya at hiniling na kung pwede i-adjust yung schedule niya dahil siguradong mahuhuli siya sa pagpasok dahil baha sa mga kalsadang dadaaanan niya. Hindi ninyo pinagbigyan, kaya pinili na lang niyang hindi pumasok so he filed for an EL. Nagkaroon ng usapan kung kelan ba pwedeng magpaayos ng schedule at ang nakuha pa ng kaibigan ko, sermon dahil hindi siya naging propesyonal. Yun ang pananaw ng mga taong ito sa situwasyon na yon at hindi ko kokontrahin yun kasi opinyon nila yun.

Ngayon, nung sila na ang magpapakain kasi naubos na ang emails, o dahil galing sila sa bakasyon at gusto nilang magkuwento, binabago nila agad yung schedule and punches to accommodate these. Nice one!

So now she told my friend that she (my friend) should stop talking to me while answering emails because she's not meeting her metrics and she warned my friend by saying she doesn't want it to reach the point where she will have to talk to me about this because I am now under a different supervisor.

Since when did she ever have the guts to talk to me? Please!!!! Whatever her real intentions and reasons are for making a big deal out of my short visits, I hope it's making her really happy. After all, she couldn't expect others to give her that because I don't think there's anyone at work who genuinely likes her. We used to but things have CHANGED. I can never bring someone into my life who breathes lies, hypocrisy and deception. I prefer spend my time with people who may not be perfect or SOFT-SPOKEN but who at least have the decency to be honest about who they are and their feelings. I don't want to spend my time watching my back. Plus I don't want to be around a person so sensitive that I have to watch every word I say with fear that I might offend her in the simplest remarks I make.

I've always been good follower but I am no all goody-two-shoes. I am giddy (or so Vayie says) but I get angry too. I fight back when I need to. I speak up when I feel someone is being stubborn. I can also be cruel and disrespectful, you know.

If she wants to be respected, she should be brave enough to be honest, be decent enough to be professional and be honest & responsible enough to admit mistakes and shortcomings. If she can't do any of these, she should stay out of my business and out of my way. Actually, I just want her out of my life - she's miserable and she finds joy in making others as miserable as her.

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CHANGE TOPIC! (Whew..) I only slept for 3 hours after I came home from work. I had to wake up around lunchtime because we will be visiting my dad.

We had lunch at Dada's place to celebrate Easter together and because my Dad will leave again for Albay for a job he took after his early retirement. We had beef caldereta, fried galunggong, bicol express and laing. It was a yummy feast, thanks to my Dad and Tita Liza.

I already felt sleepy after eating but the afternoon heat is too overwhelming for a power nap. I had no choice but to watch the ASAP'08 reruns. Watching the show for almost two hours, I realised how much I like Sarah Geronimo, Shaina Magdayao, Maja Salvador, Nikki Gil, Iya Villania and Toni Gonzaga; Piolo Pascual, Rayver Cruz and Billy Crawford that much and that I find them nakakaaliw.

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I'm not feeling well. Migraine and acid peptic disease. Been to the clinic three times, still no sign of the nurse. *sigh

"ho-hum" in the office

Despite all these years attempting to be a songwriter, I was only able to finish one composition, lyrics and all, with the help of my one only Bubi pachiez, Csar. To my friends, this song is soooo 2007. I just checked my old entry when I first shared it here and found that the words changed a lot when Csar put the melody to it.

I know it's kinda makulit to keep posting certain stuff with a little difference but please understand that I consider this as my first baby in music. I always admit that I am not a good composer since most of the songs I write ended up being essays. That's why this song is considered a milestone. Haha!

I want to thank Cacai, Tetay and Tin for listening to this song back when we were still on the 26th floor of EBP. I appreciate your enthusiasm and feedback then.

CAN NEVER BE MINE

A moment of laughter
A secret smile
A brush of your hand
laidback afternoon
The slightest touch
Hours to last forever
These things I shared with you can never be mine
can never be yours, can never be ours.

Hold on to this moment
and never let go
could never be, you and I both know
(you and I both know)

Tears flowing
My heart is breaking
Silence deafening
My love awaiting
desperately hoping
the pain I will endure
So just let me have you this time
since tomorrow can never be mine...
can never be yours and mine.

Hold on to this moment
and never let go
could never be, you and I both know

This memory will linger 'til
my heart stops beating for your name
Til my eyes no longer cry for this
Love that can never be ours,
That can never be yours and mine.

Hold on to this moment
and never let go
could never be, you and I both know

Instrumental

Hold on to this moment
and never let go
could never be, you and I both know
We could never have this moment
we need to let go
coz it could never be
this could never be mine
could never be yours and mine.
It could never be yours and mine,
will never be yours and mine.

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Dada (my daddy) arrived from Bicol last Friday. We will have lunch at his place today to celebrate Easter Sunday as a family since he'll be leaving for Bicol again on Monday. Too bad, Csar won't be joining us. He will be attending a fiesta in Tayuman with his supervisor and his teammates.

To everyone, Happy Easter! The hunt for the colorful eggs is on...

Speaking of egg-hunting, we have one in the office. If only I have the energy or at least, the enthusiasm to join the fun (when was I ever after the office fun!?), I wouldn't mind looking for an egg around the office to win the prizes like the Nokia phone, the GE slimline telephones and the Ayala Mall GCs, but since I don't, let's just leave it to those who do and who are lucky. =)

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Vayie, I tried one of your shared blog tricks here in this entry! Yay!

A generally good Friday

I got a call from a college friend who is now living in Singapore. She is one of the few people I became close with despite the little time I get to spend in school after classes because of my tutorial job. We lost touch when she left school without any notice. Her old number's no longer active and her Friendster account abandoned.

I'm happy to hear that she is now married to a Singaporean and is a mother to Shawn who will be turning two on July 11. She will be coming back here in the Philippines either on the last week of May or on the first week of June. She said she'll be staying here a little longer than her last visit since she wants her son to celebrate his birthday with her relatives and friends this time. That means we will have the time to catch up on things. =)

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I heard this crazy news in the office. We are no longer allowed to bring beverages inside the production floor even if we are using spill-proof mugs/tumblers. All we can drink is water.

Great! Good luck to those who need a kick of caffeine just to get through the graveyard shift. Wala na yata talagang magawa ang ibang tao sa amin. Bagot na sila sa kanilang trabaho. Pati iinumin namin, pinanghihimasukan na nila.

No pen and paper policy. It's understandable if it is for the security of the whole account, why not. Pero TISSUE PAPER?! Helloooo! Kahit tumutulo na ang sipon at parang Malabanan na kung suminghot ang mga ahente, bawal pa rin ang tissue. The administrators should really do some serious thinking, because they appear to be NOT thinking at all and they are not making any sense. If they want to make sense, the least they could is explain why we are not allowed to do this and that. After all, we are not servants who should blindly heed to the whims of our "masters".

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I saw this girl on the floor. I find her pretty with her long, flowing brown hair and slim waist like an Japanese anime character. Then I saw her by the elevator, chewing something like there's no tomorrow...

hindi pala siya ganun kaganda..=(

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Josine is back again from a 5-day vacation in Pangasinan and Baguio. I definitely missed her and her funny antics. Too bad, Kmart just left with his mom to spend what's left of the Holy Week with his "ate" and his mom's relatives. Malungkot tuloy si Josine, excited pa man din siyang umuwi kasi akala niya, may ma-bu- bully daw siya pag-uwi niya. Looks like Kmart was one step ahead of her. Ha!

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Kate (Kmart's mom) was thoughtful enough to ask me if I want to get my flu vaccine in their office. Since I was diagnosed and hospitalized for acute bronchitis last January, my doctor advised me to get myself vaccinated for flu as this would help prevent acute bronchitis from coming back. It is not covered by our healthcare provider. The last time I asked, you could get the vaccine for Php800, but through the program that Kate's company, their HMO and GSK have, we will get the vaccine for only Php350.

Hopefully, I will also have the slot for the cervical cancer vaccine as well. Kate said it will only cose Php1650/shot for a total of 3 shots within 6 months. That's over 60% savings since it cost around Php6000-Php7000 per shot.

Check out this article:
http://www.philstar.com/Article.aspx?articleId=419193

another lazy entry

As usual, I'm too tired (or lazy) to write a decent blog entry...

First, I would like to apologise to my Uno Animo teammates. No pictures yet from our get-together last March 30. I know the pics I have are not a lot but I know you love to see them too. When I have the time (yeah, right!), I will post them in Facebook and our yahoogroups site. =)

Here is a presentation (uh-huh) of the things I've done, been doing, will be doing and would've wanted to do:

I had dinner with my bessy, Gran a few days after he got back from his Asian tour. He got me a bag, a couple of keychains and a fridge magnet from Singapore. What a thoughtful sweetheart! The pictures he and JB took of Singapore, Malaysia and Thailand were amazing, but the stories he told were hilarious. =)

Uno Animo (Alex, Cacai, Dustin, Febe, RJ, Tetay, Vayie and me) and Grumpig (Milo) had merienda/dinner at Dad's Glorietta last March 30, Monday/payday. Tin was missing in action but for a valid reason so she's forgiven. =P We also met Cacai's boyfriend, Ivan.

As you already know, Tita Tess, Tito Josal, Inna and Iris arrived from Canada last March to attend the funeral and burial of Tito Josal's father, Mr. Bartolome del Castillo, Jr. in Bicol. They are now in Baguio with my Tita Bebot, my cousins Andrea and Camille, my sister, Josine, my brother, Joshua and my niece, Nikki. I was supposed to join them but work got in the way. (What's new?!)

I watched the movie , "Race to Witch Mountain" with Bubi. The plot was predictable but the characters were entertaining.

Csar and I learned that tea latte tastes awful - the hard way. It is a rarity that I would dare try something new and it was not a good experience. =(

I went to a bookstore sale and found this cool dictionary from Oxford: The Official Dictionary of the Unofficial English. It was on sale for Php150, but wasn't able to get it -- found that I only have Php110 in my pocket and didn't have my ATM card with me. Bummer!

I would like to greet my bessy, Apol a very happy birthday (April 7). I wish we could see her soon and spend loads of time with her since she's been working for the last year - almost nonstop.

Birthday wishes also goes to my gradeschool friend, Ivylaine (April 6), my supervisor Mitch (April 7) and my ex-boyfriend, Cerwin (April 8) and to a baby sister, April Adap (April 9) who is now a wife and a mother to a beautiful family.

These are the songs that I just love listening to these days: I Stay in Love (Mariah Carey), Heaven Sent (Keyshia Cole), Insomniac (Craig David), One Step at a Time (Jordin Sparks), More to Life (Stacie Orrico), Forever & Because of You (Boyce Avenue version).

Csar and I did our best to catch the movie, "Knowing" (starring Nicholas Cage) together and we did. We found it interesting as subtly showed the unity of faith and science in our lives. The movie looked like a blockbuster movie in the making. I've seen a few movies these past months and I've never seen a cinema this packed since Harry Potter and Twilight. With or without the hype, it was worth it. The movie will leave you thinking.

Before we watched "Knowing", Csar and I had lunch at Bigoli's (Trinoma), an Italian restaurant Tetay and I "discovered" (from a clickthecity.com review) while looking for a nice place where we can hold the Mean Girls' little get-together with our former supervisor, Spawn.

Bigoli's has this new promo: Eat-All-You-Can Pizza for Php199 only. The price includes a refillable drink. Eat the most number of pizza slices will earn you a place in their Hall of Fame and a shirt. So far, a Nursing student from UST, "Jogar" Garcia holds the record for eating 25 slices of pizza. Beat that! But remember, this promo is only available between 10am-2pm everyday.

I dropped by at the Fully Booked Gateway Mall branch and National Bookstore Superbranch last Monday. I got a couple of stuff added to my wishlist: an LED slim book light and a red grab bag (super cute) which I want to buy this coming payday. I also passed by the Girbaud store and I found the three most adorable bags I have ever seen since I visited the store last Christmas. I hope I will have the extra cash to take at least one of those cuties home.

I will soon be seeing my ex-boyfriend who I haven't seen in a decade. (Yup, he's the forgetful ex. hehehe) We still haven't agreed on the details because of my crazy schedule.

I'll be taking Education classes starting April 13. My classes will be from 9am-1pm, Mondays to Fridays. I'm so excited! It'll be a little bit tough since I will be attending my classes after my work shift at 7am, but I welcome the challenge because finally I'll be doing something beyond the walls of the office. That doesn't mean you will be seeing me more relaxed.

alone but not lonely, maybe unhappy

Today must be one of those days when I have little patience for some people around me here in the office. I am unhappy and pressured. These feelings are overwhelming.

I'm unhappy -- because of some people at work. I am blessed to be part of a team that is composed of people who are friendly and helpful. I mean they are wonderful - period. BUT there are some people who can be really annoying. They think they're funny and entertaining but they're NOT. They're just a bunch of nuisance who think they are making other people's lives at work better.

I don't like working in a noisy environment. I hate idle talks. I don't like people who likes having conversations with others just for the sake of having a conversation.

The pressure at work is not making me any happier and is leaving me with a feeling of being stuck with something I have no control over. I want to be an asset to the team. They may not be my friends, they may not understand or know where I'm coming from, but I still want to contribute to the success of the team. That desire does add to the pressure. I try not to let that get to me but it does. It's hard when you are not working with people who you consider your good friends.

As a spectator, you may see me as too attached or sentimental at some point. It seems I am not handling this change in a mature kind of way. It's been 5 months since I was transferred to a different queue but the feeling of protest has not changed. I may have accepted the fact that I am no longer part of the team that I care so much about but somehow, my heart screams for justice. I know my presence (along with Vayie's and Khim's) will forever haunt those people responsible for this unjust action. The joy and satisfaction they find in making lives miserable will soon eat their souls empty and left with nothing. Their idea of respect from other people will remain an idea or an imagination.

I know I should've moved on. Whenever I feel unhappy about work, I shouldn't blame those people who put me here. I KNOW THAT! Then, again, today is ONE of those days and I will not deprive myself of this kind of therapy. If this will make me feel a little bit better, then I will indulge in this moment.

In the first place, I wouldn't be here if not for them. I didn't have to fight back if they just chose to let us be. I wouldn't have to be around annoying people most of the time if I was still with Uno Animo. If not for them, I would still have the chance to be silent without being misunderstood or misinterpreted.

I'm not saying that I will never like the people that I now work with. I'm just saying that it will take some time before I'll get used to their personalities and vice-versa. I don't feel superior/inferior when I'm with them. I just love being with myself MOST of the time.

Parang mobile phone lang..

Tita Tess, Tito Josal and my cousins, Inna and Iris arrived yesterday from Canada to attend the funeral and burial of Tito Josal's father.

The death of a loved-one is never easy regardless if one died young or old. Parting from someone who brought so much love, wisdom and strength in your life will always be a bittersweet moment for those left behind. Still, it offers an opportunity to spend time with the people who mean so much to us and count every blessing that comes your way.

When my mom died, I felt all my wounds healed and the scars disappeared. Hating people who've hurt me in the past seemed insignificant and forgiveness was the only way to go. I accepted the challenge of accepting the faults of others as if they were my own and I've embraced a role that I'm uncertain I can ever give justice to. Yet, my mom's death -- her absence left me no other choice -- left me the best choice -- to open my heart to life's mysteries and surprises and enjoy the ride along with the bumps. As far as I can remember, I only shed tears whenever I miss my mom and wish that she is still beside me to help me. Her loving memory inspires me to live life to the fullest, dance like no one is watching and love like I've never loved before.

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For the next two weeks, I want to spend as much time with my cousins and of course, Tita Tess and Tita Bebot. This may mean that I will get less sleep but a "life" outside the office is very tempting.

Don't get me wrong. I DO have a life. I still have the time to do the things that I like to do. I watch my favorite TV series for hours, read a book, eat, catch a movie, window shop and sleep. It's just that eversince I was transferred to the chat queue, I never really had the energy to do something "ACTIVE". I often spend my weekends at home. I just send messages to most of my friends just to let them know that I am still breathing.

Hopefully, these two weeks will be the start of many weeks that I will have the strength to go out there and reconnect with people other than my family.

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Finally, the Uno Animo reunion will push through this Monday, March 30th at Dad's Glorietta. What a great way to spend a payday -- fun with great friends over good food (hopefully with a cute toy in hand). Yay!!

**watch out for the reunion pics at Vayie's blog. hehehe..

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I might take a few classes this summer while my sister, Josine is on vacation. I want to see if I can still study while working. I know the biggest challenge would be time management and discipline.

I also hope I could still pass for a student. (Trivial, I know.) It would be really embarrassing if the class would think I AM the professor. =P

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If I don't chicken out, I might get another ear piercing this April. It's been 6 years since I last had the upper part of my right ear pierced when emotional pain was too much and physical pain was a refuge.

Since I am, most of the time, giddy (according to Vayie), I now know that I have low tolerance for pain and fear of needles.

Aside from the fact that I couldn't get a tattoo (my dad and my boyfriend would definitely be the first people to be upset), the idea of a needle piercing a section of my body hundreds of times and leaving a permanent work of art (unless, you have the smackaroos to have it remove ala-Claudine Barretto) brings the fascination and the desire to a halt.

I don't know why I suddenly wanted to get a piercing but I am sure I want to. I am not making sense wanting it so I guess I'll just cross my fingers that I'll chicken out.

sunday special

I'm scared. I think I'm coming down with something and it is almost similar to the one I had last January which caused me to be hospitalized for almost three days. =(

I have been worried about this since Saturday but my doctor is only available every morning during weekdays. Since I am at work from 6am-3pm, I can only have myself checked by Tuesday, which is thankfully tomorrow because I really don't feel good anymore.

I forced myself to come to work today eventhough I am not feeling well because I don't want to be ineligible to have VLs in March as per our account's policy (which by the way, most of the people in the office find so unfair).

Anyway, here I am, having a hard time breathing while trying my best to minimize the noise I make in the office. I hope I can make it through the day without making a scene or causing inconvenience on others.

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Ceasar and I went to Trinoma yesterday to watch Gran Torino. Ceasar won a couple of privilege passes to the mall's cinema from work. I wish we have that kind of incentives of prizes to keep us motivated. (That's another story.)

On our way to the cinema, we passed by this store called Holy Land. It's anything but holy since this is not a stall for religious artifacts but it is for beauty products made from the Dead Sea. Yes, you heard me right. I got to try it last January at The Block when I was helping Tin to find a Twilight paperback. The products are amazing! The body scrub, mud pack and moisturizer felt divine on my skin. Unfortunately, they are too expensive for me. But it's not just the products that made me remember this unique stall. The person who made me try these stuff was a hot Israeli -- he looked good and smelled good. Ayayay!

So, having such a pleasant experience from the Holy Land guy at The Block, I just didn't expect someone hotter than him but I did and he is in Trinoma yesterday.

Mas guwapo talaga siya! Seryoso, hindi OA. Lahat na nilalapitan niyang babae for a demo just find themselves blushing, walking really fast and taking a second look at the hot guy. Haay, tama na nga, mukah na akong manyak. Ha!

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We watched Gran Torino last night. It was definitely a movie with a heart - a big heart at that. I couldn't think of another guy who would best play the character of Walt Kowalzki. Clint Eastwood made the right decision to take this movie under his wing.

I never thought a Clint Eastwood movie would make everybody cry. Lahat ng tao, pati mga lalaki umiyak talaga! Tinatawanan ko pa yung mga taong lumabas sa sinehan before our scheduled screening kasi hindi ko nga ini-expect na maiiyak ka kung si Clint Eastwood ang bida. Pero isa ako sa mga lumabas ng sinehan na luhaan.
Basta! You should watch this movie. =)

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Finally, nakatikim na ako ng Krispy Kreme donuts! Ang verdict?

Mas masarap pa rin Dunkin' Donuts. Hehehehe...

Buti na lang

Para sa 'yo...Kung nagbabasa ka man
Buti na lang, aklat lang ang nakuha ko,
Na binigay mo sa akin nung tingin mo mahal mo pa ako.
Buti na lang, hindi mo nabili yung mamahaling bagay na yun,
baka hindi lang insulto ang nakuha ko sa yo.

Hindi ako makapaniwala sa aking narinig,
inisip mo na tinatangi kita?
Sana'y nagbibiro ka lang nun,
dahil sa umpisa pa lang, sinabi ko na.

Ikaw ay hindi ko maaaring mahalin,
Nang higit pa sa kapatid na turing.
Pasensiya na kung ikaw ay nalito,
iningatan ko lang na huwag masaktan ang puso mo.

Sa bandang huli, nawala ring saysay
ang pag-iingat sa kaibigan
Ang pagmamahal na alay
para sa yo'y kulang, sa aki'y kalabisan.BOW!

Just want to let you know that I'm still here. I just didn't have the time to keep my blog up-to-date since my last entry which I think I made while I was still in training for chat with Vayie and Kim.
Here are some of the things that happened/thoughts I had in the past 3 months:

• Tin gave me an eBay pin. (Thanks, Tin! Love it and I love you more!)
  
• I finally have my very own Twilight Saga collection in my arms. Thanks to Tetay! I had another reason to cry.
  
• I already spent a Christmas Eve in the office for the first time and it was an agony.
  
• I felt like leaving this job that I came to love (because of the people I work with - Uno Animo) because of people who thought they knew better.
  
• Thank God for my friends (Uno Animo), they gave me enough reasons to stay ~ their friendship and their sense of humor.
  
• RJ, Josine and I visited my mom last December 30th. We had fun. It's like sharing stories with our mom the way we used to.
  
• I got myself a planner this year -- to help me manage my time and money and organize the things that need my attention. (But I always end up doing things a week AFTER -- talk about procrastination)
  
• Ceasar gave me a new bag and new coin purse.
  
• I promised myself I will add color to my life this year -- more color to my clothes, stuff, etc.
  
• I'm so fond of Black this year -- Black purse, black bag, black umbrella, black brush.
  
• I bought Ceasar a new messenger bag and 3 pairs of socks -- ayoko nang makita yung bag niya na hindi niya mabitawan dahil nabili lang daw niya yun sa ukay-ukay sa halagang singkwenta pesos 3 years ago. Utang na loob! Di bale nang gumastos ako.
• I had the chance to spend my much-awaited VLs in Tagaytay but ended up getting sick.
  
• I was hospitalized for three days due to acute bronchitis.
  
• Ceasar bought me a "Blue Book" shirt to cheer me up.
  
• I am now addicted to the TV series "24".
  
• Warrick Brown's death in CSI Season 8 made me cry.
  
• Gil Grissom's eulogy at Warrick Brown's funeral made me cry harder.
  
• CSI Miami's Season 1 is boring.
  
• Dr. Gregory House is soooo funny.
  
• I have a crush on Danny O'Donoghue (vocalist, The Script) for 4 months now.
  
• But still not close to beating, William Petersen (Gil Grissom, CSI), Edward Cullen (Twilight Saga) and Harry Connick, Jr. (Leo, Will and Grace). =D
  
• Ceasar and I failed to celebrate our Valentine's week '09 at the UP Fair.
  
• But we celebrated our Valentine's at Chaikofi and Scooperman, The Block.
  
• I can't wait to see the movies: "Angels and Demons", "The Matarese Circle", "New Moon" and "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince".
  
• The songs: "Single" (NKOTB), "Rain" (Razah), "Hypnotized" (Gemini), T-Shirt (Shontelle) and "Just Dance" (Lady Gaga) make me want to go to a bar and groove!
  
• The songs: "P.S. I'm Still Not Over You" (Rihanna), "The Man Who Can't be Moved" (The Script), "Again" (Janet Jackson), "Have You Ever" (Brandy) and "Heartbreaker" (Tank) almost always put me to sleep.

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I admit, I prefer Facebook over Friendster. I just find it easier to use and more pleasant to look at, but it doesn't matter. Bottomline, these social networks has helped me rekindle friendships, reconcile with people whose existence I vowed to treat with silence and indifference, reconnect with people who I didn't have any connection with and simply make new friends from all over the world.

Last night, I decided to check my Facebook account while watching a boring part of "24". I received a message from one of my ex-boyfriends. To my dismay, he asked me, "Who are you? You look familiar and you're too pretty to ignore but I don't remember where we met." WTF?!! Pagkatapos mo akong paiyakin nung Valentines day, 10 years ago, tatanungin mo ako kung sino ako?! (Sorry, ex-bf, ganon talaga nasabi ko sa sarili ko at least.) Yes, sinabihan niya ako ng pretty pero walang halaga sa akin yun dahil di niya ako naalala. Ganong na ba ako ka-forgettable? Sino ba siya, si Simon Cowell? Anyway, I simply sent him a courteous response with the gory details of how and why he broke up with me for another girl. Hehehe... We already talked and he gave me loads of excuses why he didn't recognize me. It felt like we were once again in a relationship. =P