liking the unlikeable, bearing the unbearable

I’ve watched the TV series, House for a week now and I’m starting to have a huge crush on Hugh Laurie’s character. Dr. Gregory House may be the most cynical and insensitive person I have “known”, but he is the true person in all of us. We all sometimes think the way he does but we are just not that brave to express what we feel.

His candor endeared him to me. I may find his words a little hurtful (maybe because I am not used to that kind of bluntness) but those words are what most people need since we spend too much time sugarcoating feelings even though we already feel like blowing up.

I know I am not ready for Dr. House’s kind of honesty but I feel this kind of honesty makes some situations a lot easier to deal with. (right now, I couldn’t think of an example. Anyone?)

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Last December, I said that I’m giving myself two months before I decide if I leave my present job. Guess what’s my decision? CLUE: I’m still here. Ha!

Believe me, I wasn’t bluffing when I said that then. I just couldn’t think of myself at this point. Of course, I’m part of the reason why I am not resigning. I don’t feel like going through interviews yet. I fear that if I ever answer another question from an initial interview, I might win a title, a crown and a chance to represent our country in a prestigious pageant.

However, I’m starting to feel the stress again. My new teammates are nice and very accommodating. I still get to spend time with my friends (former teammates) during lunch. I just don’t know why I’m feeling this. A migraine is not helping at all. (Kahit hindi ako nagsusuka – sariling version ko to nang migraine)

Now that Vayie is gone, I feel like it's getting worse. Today, I was chatting my day away like a zombie, no desire to make any human connection unless I have no idea what I'll be doing with a particular member's concern. I even found myself shedding a few tears here and there whenever I am not looking at myself. I realized my behavior is almost to the point of being pathetic but who cares? I am alone on a Saturday and I feel it's my right to simply wallow in whatever emotions I have. I feel like a lost a part of me and I'm still notm over the loss.

I'm bluffing when I said I would leave the company. I don't have the guts yet, I can still bear with whatever hell "they" want to throw at us, agents and I still can't feel the kick leaving a bruise. So there!

school's almost done --- YAY!

I'm almost done with my classes. Only a few more days left to deal with the exams. I'm so nervous. I don't really have that much time to study for all my subjects and I feel that my brain is about to explode due to information overload. It would be such a big relief to go through them without any problems.

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I got a call from Mitch, my supervisor regarding my new RDs. I will still be on the same shift, i.e. 10pm-7am with Thu and Friday as my RDs. I have no complains about it since I will still be working on weekends (which I like since there are less people on the floor). I just hope there is still a chance for me to be on the morning shift soon. I jus miss being with my sister and my nephew (of course, with Csar too) in the evening, just watching TV/DVDs or whatever. The idea to live a "normal" life for a couple of months is something that I always look forward to as it helps me get through the two months of GY shift. It is what I call the light at the end of a tunnel.

But with how things are going in the office, that little hope is slowly fading away.

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I want to thank Sir Mark for being so accommodating in changing my transition off from Tuesday to Monday, but all my hugs go to Kuya Luck who gave way. He gave me his Monday transition off and will be working 6 days straight so I have the time to prepare for a big day. Thank you, Kuya Luck!

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It's so sad to hear that some people would not accommodate two people's wishes for their own convenience. I may not understand the job that they do because I am not in their position but is it really that difficult to be considerate in this industry? It's not like they asked her to move mountains. I'm sure she can make the necessary adjustments, after all, it's not like she's going to coach that person everyday. She just doesn't want to. As we often say in Filipino, kung gusto, may paraan; kung ayaw, may dahilan.

I am amazed at how this world seems to be coming to. Powertripping is like an "in" thing these days. I always wonder why power is given to those who CANNOT handle it. Some people tend to forget that they are dealing with people not just with metrics and product knowledge and quality to be maintained or obtained.

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I sometimes forget that Kmart is growing up. I think I will forever be in denial that he will soon be a young man leading his own life.

He always expect me or Csar to bring home something for him like a large tumbler of iced tea or a chocolate bar. He would be show us a sad face (sad puppy dog eyes and pouty lips) when we don't have anything for him.

He has been like this for the past couple of weeks for some reason I don't know. He was never like this -- demanding. Hahaha! Yesterday, I decided to bring him something. I stopped by at the Hi-Top supermarket after class to buy him one of his favorites -- Hello Panda biscuits. He was so happy and all giddy. (Yes, Vayie, Kmart is a giddy kid too, but please note that Tita Jen is way giddier). =P

We watched TV while he happily munched on the treat. RJ, Josine and I were talking about how are we going to celebrate Kmart's 3rd birthday. No big party yet for Kmart, since most of our friends don't have kids that we can invite should we have a children's birthday. We'll just save the idea when Kmart is already in school. Hopefully, he'll have classmates and friends his age. =P

Anyway, going back to the discussion we're having about Kmart's birthday, I already volunteered that I will buy Kmart a cake for his birthday. To our surprise, he suddenly blurted out: "Salamat!" I found it really sweet that I immediately gave him a big hug. Siyempre, medyo naiiyak pa ako. Ang sweet talaga ng pampangkin ko.

**sigh

As usual, I am in my work station. Fresh from my off, I am not in any mood to socialize with my teammates. I just greeted Kuya Rico, Mitch and Vayie when I arrived, went to my station and started setting up my tools - in silence.

I'm glad my teammates are now used to how I am when I am here in the office. They no longer ask me if there's something wrong whenever I stay in the "secluded" part of the bay. They now understand that I prefer working in silence. I am no longer misinterpreted. Of course, I do interact with them, every now and then. I laugh when I find something or someone funny. I always have a smile to spare whenever I see my teammates at the pantry, by the lockers or before I go home. I just prefer working this way.

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I miss...

...reading my friends' blogs.

...eating Jollibee's Nacho Overload.

...hanging out at National Bookstore for hours.

...singing in a choir.

...teaching grammar.

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I crave for...

...TomatoKick's pesto pizza.

...nacho cheddar popcorn.

...a Biggie-sized lite iced tea from Wendy's.

...a Bacon Cheeseburger double decker from Domino's.

...chocolate cake from Julie's bakeshop.

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I can't wait...

...to see Josine graduate.

...for people who don't have respect for other people's time.

...forever.

...to catch the next Harry Potter movie.

...to see Kmart on his first day of school.

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________ is hot.

Wentworth Miller...

Bigoli's red pepper sauce...

Craig David's Insomnia...

Aerosmith's video, "Amazing"...

Angel Locsin's F&H summer billboard in Guadalupe...

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Congratulations and best wishes to Kuya Dom and Ate Shiela who got married last Tuesday, April 14th at the Our Lady of Mt. Carmel Parish in Project 6, Quezon City.

All I can say is... FINALLY!! Heheheh. Kidding aside, I'm very happy for you and I love you both. I wish you love and happiness, strength and wisdom in doing God's work , now as husband and wife.