like i said "goodbye"

I just sent one of my very good friends the longest email we’ve ever shared together yet. We no longer get in touch with each other the way we used to or wanted to. I guess, that’s most adults become – they drift apart from those deemed closest to them even without the intention of doing so. We all just “grow up”, I guess.

The email is just one of those usual emails we sent in the past, only longer. I responded to his not-so-usual long email asking me how I was doing and filling me in on how he was living his very busy life. I gave him a summary of how simple my life is, my recent fears, dreams and ambitions (sorry, I’m not observing parallelism here. =P) and what’s coming up. I told him how I missed hanging out with him and wish that we could spend time together soon, just like before.

After I finished typing my email, rereading it gave me a sense of sadness, like I was saying goodbye. I somehow feel like I’m not going to see him ever again and that we will only be just mere impressions of each other’s pasts.

My relationship with him is a roller coaster ride, or was, since I finally found my peace – my purpose in his life. I used to think I would make us happy if we became more than friends. But the tears and the pain are enough to make me realize that I was wrong. The present proves that life has something different in store for us then. I’m glad that we are what we are now. We have our own lives to live but we are still part of each other’s lives – no matter what.

But I feel that we’re drifting apart. His dreams are taking him away from me but who am I to stop him from reaching another milestone in his life? I knew it when I first met him that he was going places and now he is beginning to take that much-awaited journey. It was inevitable but why does it still take me by surprise?

I’m waiting for his response. Maybe his words will make me feel better, comfort me and assure me that he will always be there. Or he will take my email seriously and not respond at all. Or take my email seriously and give me a piece of his mind to shut me up.

I just hope he responds soon and make things clearer for me. I wish this is one of these days when you feel down without reason. I hate feeling like this towards my friends. I should be their personal pep squad, biggest fan, etc, etc.

Where did this all begin?

The Man Who Can't Be Moved

The song that I don’t get tired of hearing over and over again these days is: The Script’s “The Man Who Can’t Be Moved”.

I just think that the song is so hopelessly romantic (though sorta cheesy but it won’t stop you from loving the song).

The Man Who Can’t be Moved
The Script

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag. I'm not gonna move,
Got some words on cardboard got your picture in my hand,
Saying if you see this girl can you tell her where I am,
Some try to hand me money they don't understand,
I'm not... broke I'm just a broken hearted man,
I know it makes no sense, but what else can I do,
How can I move on when I've been in love with you...

Coz if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Policeman says son you can't stay here,
I said there's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year,
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows,
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go.

Coz if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

People talk about the guy
Who’s waiting on a girl...
Oohoohwoo
There are no holes in his shoes
But a big hole in his world...
Hmmmm

Maybe I'll get famous as man who can't be moved,
And maybe you won't mean to but you'll see me on the news,
And you'll come running to the corner...
Cos you'll know it's just for you

I'm the man who can't be moved
I'm the man who can't be moved...

Coz if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me,
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be,
Thinking maybe you'd come back here to the place that we'd meet,
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street.
[Repeat in background]

So I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

I'm not moving...
I'm not moving.

Going back to the corner where I first saw you,
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag not I'm not gonna move.
+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

THE BAND: The Script is a band from Ireland composed of Danny O’Donaghue (who is super cute, by the way), Mark Sheehan and Glen Power. They say their music is “a whole new brand of Celtic Soul, blending hiphop lyrical flow with pop melodiousness, state-of-the-art R'n'B production with anthemic rock dynamics, classic song construction with gritty contemporary narratives.” But to sum it all up, people say that they are the best band next to U2. Of course, this claim may cause a stir among the U2 fans but I’m sure this statement was not to show disrespect to the legendary band. This is may be the best way they can think to recognize the talent and contribution this Irish trio can bring to our generation and the others to come.

"She won coz she's smart." So what?!

We were watching The Sweet Life last night. Lucy and Wilma have former beauty queens as guests.

They are indeed beautiful but fortunately, they are not full of themselves. After their respective pageants, they found their greater purpose in life – helping others. I just wonder if they ever get tired of feeling the need to always look beautiful and presentable and almost perfect – even while doing things that require less attention to their looks.

I have never really paid close attention to my looks except on special occasions. I think one of the reasons why I really decided to leave my band was that I grew tired taking care of myself, my looks and my clothes all of the time. I like feeling pretty (take note: FEELING) when I want to, not because people expect me to look good.

I have my own share of pageant moments. And they are wonderful experiences that did not only helped me to be lady-like (Ows?!), but also made me see things in a deeper perspective. During the pageants, I was surrounded by girls who were really more beautiful than I am. Their presence made me feel wrong about joining the pageants, but I realized that we were all blessed in different ways. I thought that I just have to make use of what I have and make the people see the best in me. (OMG, I’m so like eew. =P)

I ended up winning the two titles (for real!) but I heard people say that I actually won because I’m smart. My friends would take it as a hard blow to my ego, but I took it as a compliment – a mighty good one.

Not a lot of people are blessed to have common sense, knowledge, sense of humor and personality. And I think being smart is a balance of these things. I know, that not a lot of people were born beautiful and gorgeous, but I think we now have cosmetic surgery as the answer to our hunger for perfection and beauty.

“Kung gusto kong gumanda, gagamitin ko ang talino ko para magkaroon ako ng perang pangpaganda ko.” A friend would say with pride.

Somewhat familiar when a question was asked in a beauty pageant.
Q: “Which do you prefer – to be smart, to be rich or to be beautiful? And why?”

A: “I want to be smart because if I’m smart, then I can be rich. And if I’m rich then I can be beautiful. Thank you.”

Bravoooo!!!

So if those people thought that my "being smart" was reason enough for me to win the pageants, then I THANK YOU.

Survivor Philippines Update

Emerson, the sewing machine technician was the second castaway to be voted off the 1st Survivor Philippines.

I knew he wouldn’t last long after revealing his cunning strategies too early in the competition. Being a smart ass and a cocky jerk won’t really get you anywhere. He may not be that kind of a person in real life, still he showed the world that he has to the tendency to be one even when it is not called for.

+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

Jace was super-HOT in the last immunity challenge. The wounds in his knuckles acquired when digging for the Thai pillow made him more manly. Hahaha… Kiko was surprised at the Jace’s betrayal during a one-on-one bout but hey it is Survivor. OUTWIT. OUTPLAY. OUTLAST. Remember?!


Kiko, the Betrayed One
I’m just sad that two of my favorite castaways, Kiko and Jace are not in good terms after that challenge. Hopefully, Kiko will soon accept the fact that this is a competition and you have to play the game the way you know it when it is for the security of your tribe.

Oh well, guess this makes the first Survivor Philippines all the more exciting. This competition may actually prove that we are no different from one another. Trivial distinction such as race, color and faith, will no longer be deemed as important when people are stranded in an island stripped off of all life's comforts. It just all boils down to human nature and instinct to survive.

Moving

Call me a wanderer and I won’t mind because we’re moving to a new place – again – my second time this year. Yup but this time I’m very excited since I’ll be living with my two siblings, RJ (and his family, Kate and Kmart) and Josine.

Although our soon-to-be former landlady is still giving us a hard time with her poor-concocted defense to get money from us, I don’t think anyone can dampen my spirits because I’m looking forward to spending more time with my family in our cute home that is perfect for .

One thing’s for sure, I’ll be staying there for a year as mentioned in the contract Kate signed. At least, I’m settled for 12 months, goodie since I really hate moving to a new place. A move brings a kind of stress that makes me so cranky and crazy. Fortunately, the preparation and the move itself lasts only for 3 days so everyone will survive then. =)

+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Hopefully, at the end of my shift today, i will get a text from RJ/Ceasar that everything's done. =) Freedom at last from the worst landlady I've ever had. =P

Patas na Laban

Minsan nakaka-disappoint manood ng mga contestants na “mahirap”. Ginagawa nila kasing dahilan ang kanilang “kahirapan” para sila ang manalo sa isang laro.

Oo, andun na ako, kaya nga sumali yung tao sa isang contest para manalo kasi hindi nila kayang kitain yun. Pero kelan naman nagkaroon ng walang karapatan ang mga “may-kaya” sa buhay na manalo dahil mas nakakaangat sila?

Napansin ko kasing madalas na mangyari sa ‘ting mga Pilipino. Siguro, ngayon lang talaga ako naiirita. Hindi ko pinapaboran ang mga mayayaman ha?! Sa katunayan,

- naniniwala ako na dapat lahat ng tao ay nakakain ng masarap tatlong beses sa isang araw
- dapat lahat ay nakakapag-aral
- dapat lahat ay may trabaho na may sahod na sapat sa kaniyang pamilya
- dapat lahat ay may tirahan na maayos at ligtas
- dapat lahat ay may kakayahang magpatingin at magpagamot

Pero hindi ko maiwasang mainis bilang isang tagapamasid.

Nanonood ako minsan ng Wowowee, sa segment nila na “Hep Hep Hooray”. Dalawang contestant na lang natitira at kelangan nang malaman kung sino ang tutuloy sa Jackpot portion kung saan may chance na manalo ng hanggang Php80,000. Ang isa ay isang Russian na babae na nagbabakasyon lang dito sa Pilipinas at ang isa naman ay middle aged na babae na halata mong kapos sa buhay. Siyempre, gusto kong manalo yung matanda kaso nawalan ako nang gana ng bigla niyang kausapin yung babaeng Russian.

“Let me win. You’re rich.” Pabalbal na sabi ng matanda sa Russian.

Na sinagot naman nang maayos ng Russian, “No. This is a game. You play fair and square.”

Nagulat talaga ako. Nahiya ako para sa matanda. Hindi naman nakakahiya na ipaalam mo sa lahat na kelangan mo ng pera. Lahat naman tayo kelangan nun eh. Pero isang laro ang sinalihan mo – masayang laro, hindi charitable institution.

Ganoon din ang nangyari sa PBB Teen Edition. Maraming housemates at guardians ang gustong tanggalin si Robi Domingo dahil mayaman na daw siya at hindi na raw niya kelangan ng pera. Atenista si Robi. Class Valedictorian pa ng graduating class niya. Pero ang dahilan niya kaya siya sumali sa PBB nun ay gusto raw niyang magkaroon ng sariling pera.

Pero nangibabaw sa mga tao na mas deserving manalo si EJ kasi mahirap lang siya kahit hindi naman talaga siya napansin sa PBB. Marami akong kakilalang nag-isip na si Robi talaga ang nanalo at minanipula na lang ang mga boto para mas matuwa ang mga tao pag mahirap ang nanalo. >=(

Akala ko ganon din ang mangyayari sa unang tribal council ng Survivor Philippines. Natalo ang NAAK tribe sa kauna-unahang immunity challenge. Habang papalapit ang tribal council, kanya-kanya nang pagbuo ng alyansa ang mga kapwa castaways. Hindi ko na gusto si Emerson (sewing machine technician), nakikitaan ko na siya ng pagiging traydor. Bumuo agad siya ng lihim na alyansa with Chev (former GRO, present ukay-ukay owner), kasama ang iba pang Bisaya at ng kasunduang si JC (basketball player ng San Sebastian) ang iboboto dahil mayaman naman daw ito. Tinanong pa ni Chev si JC kung anong gagawin niya pag nanalo ang lalaki eh may kaya naman daw siya at hindi kawalan sa kanya kung maalis man siya sa isla.

Sa huli, si Chev ang first castaway to be voted off the island. Ang dahilan ng mga teammates niya: hindi siya marunong makipag-cooperate sa team during the immunity challenge.

Haaay, ano ba? Laro itong sinalihan ninyo? Kung gusto ng mga producers na mahirap na tao lang ang dapat manalo, eh di sana ni-require talaga nila na mahirap lang ang sumali. Hindi katwiran na porke’t mayaman ang tao eh wala na siyang karapatan na magwagi sa isang paligsahan. Katulad ng baluktot na katwiran na porke’t mahirap ka eh wala ka nang pag-asang magtagumpay sa buhay.

Uulitin ko, hindi ako pumapanig sa mga mayayaman. Ang sa akin lang eh sana pag sumali tayo sa mga paligsahan, huwag nating gawing batayan ang estado ng buhay ng isang tao kung karapat-dapat ba siyang manalo. Lahat ng paligsahan ay may hinihingi o hinahanap na katangian sa bawat kalahok at yun dapat ang manatiling batayan ng mga ito.

Two thumbs up for Stephenie

I was missing in action for the past couple of weeks that I failed to even greet my significant other a very happy birthday in a very special way. (Sorry bubba.)

I have not been THAT busy. Of course, there were loads of emails to answer and stats to maintain but other than these responsibilities, I’m guilty. YES, guilty to being addictive once again to another book, I mean, books --- Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight, Eclipse, New Moon and Breaking Dawn.

Reviews said that this series of books is another Harry Potter in the making. Being a Harry Potter fan, I’m doubtful and skeptical (redundancy is the way to emphasis -- hehehe). But I guess, the fearless forecast made me curious. =)

I’m a selective reader. I don’t really read books because of the rave reviews they receive or how the movie versions made it big in the box office. I read books if they catch my interest. I believe I mentioned this in my blog before that I fancy the murder-mystery-forensic-science genre. Harry Potter was an exception and a wonderful one at that – that I didn’t mind spending serious bucks to buy them just so I would have the complete set.

Going back to the works of Stephenie Meyer, I wanted to read them to see if there is any grain of truth in the reviews but I wasn’t that curious to spend big smackaroos on them, so I decided to buy the ebooks instead on eBay. If I liked them, then I’ll buy them – someday. =)

Read all of the books and I LOVE THE STORY!!!! I love Isabella Swan but Edward Cullen was to-die-for. He really made me want to be a vampire for him. I even told Ceasar that if he ever leaves me (I already told him this when I first saw David Cook), Edward Cullen is definitely the one next in line. Edward Cullen is sooooo hot!!

Unfortunately, this could not be the next HARRY POTTER. I’m sure of it. My fearless forecast.

Still, the temporary isolation I put myself in for the last couple of weeks was WORTH it. Of course, I did miss reading Vayie’s, Tetay’s and Chico’s blogs but if the ebooks were really books, you’d understand it when I say I really found it hard to put them down. It was a different love story somehow, that it caught my attention.

I can't wait to have the real books. Stephenie Meyer’s books will definitely be in my wish list!

A day after my birthday

Happy Birthday to me!!

It’s my 28th birthday yesterday and I’m a year older, hopefully a bit wiser and happier. Hmm, I’d like to believe I am. =D

When I was a kid, I can’t imagine myself reaching this age and still feel the same. Strangely, I do. I think it’s such a slow process, you’re prepared for such changes every second and every minute of your life, that you wouldn’t notice you have changed a lot through the years.

I just usually ask Ceasar what are the recent changes he’s seen in me. The last time I asked him, he said that I am more confident than when he first met me – and I agree with him. I was such a wreck when we first met 4 years ago. I was trying to keep myself together around people but inside, I feel wounded, worthless and trapped in my past. But my being confident has a lot to do with Ceasar and the conversations we had through the years. He helped me heal and love myself despite the painful memories of a previous relationship. He made me realize that if I forgive myself, I’ll be able to let others forgive me and accept me for who I am and what I’ve been through. I’m still in this journey but I know I’m getting there.

This is the second year I’ll be celebrating my birthday without my mom around. Her death somehow ended all the urge for dependence in my system. Her thoughts and views were the standard and with her not being around anymore, I couldn’t help but feel lost and out of track. It was tougher last year but I think I can now handle the fact much better since I’ve come to realize that she will always be around. I’ve felt her presence in the toughest of times when I felt I couldn’t do it and find myself surviving them.

I’m now 28 but I wonder, what do people usually wish for and want when they turn 28?

Here is my list…

I want to be healthier. I want to start taking my Pilates seriously. I lost those excessive through it without depriving myself of food that I love to eat. I find it hard to get back to the habit after I had my wisdom tooth removed and another tooth extracted.

I also want to start jogging/running again at the UP Oval, better if it is raining. And indulge in fish balls and cheese sticks after. =P

I want to travel – to beaches, scenic spots, cities, provinces and countries – to any place where I will have the chance to savor the beauty of life, the wonders of friendships and forget the pressures and demands of the real world for a while.

I want to take more pictures. Now that I have my own digital camera, I know I can do this without limit. =P

I want to be engaged. (Ahem-ahem) Period.

I want to get a house. (attention, Pag-IBIG!!)

I want to teach again. I missed helping out kids who are having difficulty in English. I know I am not a good writer. I am even lazy. But I have this passion and interest to teach English language and grammar. Those who can’t do, TEACH! Hopefully, I will have the time and the resources to review for the LET next year.

I want to take driving lessons. I don’t have the car and I won’t have one in years but I just want to learn how to drive. I’m a coward (I have this great fear of the unknown)and this is one way for to be a bit more brave and conquer my fear.

I want to take French lessons. Learning the language is one of my frustrations. (Another would be being a cheerdancer/gymnast) This is a preparation to my other dream – to go to France and visit all the places mentioned in Dan Brown’s novel, The Da Vinci Code and try ratatouille.

I want to be a better Christian – a Christian with a purpose and has a personal relationship with God.

So far, this is what I want to start doing or accomplish this year as a 28-year-old me. These are not wishes but goals I have to act on, so I need all the discipline, courage and determination and prayers to make this year much more meaningful than the last.

+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+
Birthday thanks:

I would like to thank everyone who remembered me and my birthday. Thanks for the emails, text messages and messages/comments (through Facebook, my blog, and Friendster) I received and continue to receive. You truly made my day super-duper extra special.

Thank you, Ceasar – for the snacks he bought me after his shift.

Thank you, Apol and Gran – for taking the time to see me on my birthday.

Thank you, Gran – for the wonderful dinner and the Kettle Corn popcorn. I also enjoyed the bus ride with you.

Thank you, Uno Animo team – for the cute messages.

Thank you, Vayie, for my Cookie’s (David Cook) pic. I love it and I’m keeping it!! Super thank you!!!

Again, to everyone, thank you for your thoughtfulness and sweet words!!

birthdays!!!

It’s the start of September – my favorite month! I just want to greet all the people I know who were conceived during the holidays and were born in this special month of September.

September 1 – L.A., Kuya Dom and Jowell

September 2 – Tita Precy (Edgran's mom)

September 3 – Alex

September 4 – Me, Doie, Alvin Lobo

September 5 – Tito Jun (Apol's dad)

September 6 – Genere

September 8 – Bubi Pachiez

September 13 – Kuya Raul

September 17 – Diana, Meland

September 21 – Edgran, Gerard

September 25 – Beth

September 28 – Mark Jay


Happy Birthday to all of us!!!