the day after

I feel better today. I feel that my anger towards this girl is easing its way out of my system. Of course, emotions do rush inside me when I see her, but it was a conscious decision on my part to not let her and her presence affect me or ruin my days. It takes a lot of effort and self-control to do this but if I was able to do this before, I'm sure I can do this again. Besides, she doesn't deserve my time and energy. I could allot them to more meaningful and worthy people and endeavors.

I'm looking forward to our new home. Actually, we all are. Living with her took a toll on all of us. We are fortunate that we don't have to live with her and her ways forever. She's almost like a burden you can't get off your back. I only enjoy a few pleasures in life -- and one of them is coming home to a peaceful place. I work hard and so I deserve to have a home that serves as my refuge from the demands of this world. I won't let anyone deprive me of that pleasure.

I know that someday I will find it in my heart to delete my entries about her. I will never forget but I know I can forgive -- someday. Or I'll keep them as a reminder of how "juvenile" (pahiram muna ng word ulit, Vayie! =D) the fight was and how embarrassing it was to be a part of it. Hopefully, we'll just laugh our hearts out while reading it, but I doubt it since I know how hurtful my words are. Still, I know someday, things will be better. We can no longer be friends, but hey, it's a small world, after all, there is still a big chance that we will bump into each other. I hope when that time comes, we can then share a smile.

So for now, dedma talaga!! Yoko ng away. Negative vibes should not be entertained. If she's still mad, I just hope she does it in silence.

For the next two weeks, we'll all be busy looking for a new place that's as good as where we live now but cheaper.

In 16 days, we will have peace, FINALLY!!

For a pair of sandals...

For a pair of sandals, I now fear for my safety. I was accused by someone for cutting the straps of her sandals. I was shocked by this girl's nerve to even think that I would stoop that low just to get even with her.

I admit, her mere presence is repulsing for me. She is useless at home, she simply just takes up space. She uses her boyfriend who is so nice and hardworking while she enjoys sexy time with another. She's stupid enough to make the most shallow excuses just to cover her trysts with another guy. Unfortunately, her boyfriend believed her every word. He has been open to us about his own suspicions but he himself is in denial that his goody goody girlfriend can do that to him. Reality check, dude, she's doing it to you as of the moment.

She found her sandals all cut up, and immediately thought of me doing it. She even had her boyfriend confront mine about it. My boyfriend didn't deny that I had ill-feeling towards her. I may be easily annoyed by people's flaws but that doesn't mean I'm that stupid to do something that will point directly at me. Too bad, we have scissors, they don't but that doesn't mean I did it. Logic, my dear, but I bet you don't have common sense. It is unfortunate that your lover can't buy you that.

I'm scared of this girl. The lowest of the low. If you look at her, she looks mahinhin, but I warn you she's one gold digger, user and a sanggano. She showed more concern over material things than relationships. She's unbelievable!!!

At nagdadabog pa siya kagabi. I had enough of it. Rude talaga!! When she heard me call her bastos, she then shouted, "SINIRA MO SANDALS KO!!" Fuck you!! Mahiya ka sa balat mo!! Show proof that I did it, but you won't be able to do so because I didn't! Baka pati mga espiritu sa bahay galit na sa yo at sa katamaran mo!! So don't take it out on me. And if you want another excuse para makauwi ka ng gabi, well, please not at my expense, slut!! Matagal na akong asar sa yo but you're lucky that you have a good boyfriend, I respect him and he's like a brother to me kaya hindi kita inaano. Besides, you're so stupid to not realise that. Masyadong mababa tingin mo sa boyfriend mo, tingin mo mas nagugustuhan ka ng tao, well sorry to disappoint you, my dear, mas matotolerate ko pa ang pagiging alcoholic ng bf mo kesa ang pagiging social climber mo. Hindi ka naman makakabili ng mga gamit mo kung wala kang ibang lalaki.

Now I fear for my safety. On my way to work today, I found this motorcycle parked at the bank across the street where I usually wait for a bus. I am certain, the guy on it was staring at me. When the guy saw that I wasn't alone, (I was with Ceasar), he immediately left while still staring at us. Call me paranoid, but I'd rather be one than dead.

If something bad happens to me, my boyfriend definitely knows who's responsible for it. kaya lang ang cheap ng fight na to, 'no, over sandals na hindi naman mahal at maganda. El cheapo naman. hay!! magkakaroon lang ako ng kaaway yung bobo pa, yung hindi marunong magmeasure ng value ng mga bagay-bagay. Aaaargh!!

I warn you guys, don't fight with stupid girls. It's not worth it. I'll ignore her and her ka-cheap-an from now on again. I just hope she'll have enough brain cells to realise na ang pangit ng away na to!!

For a pair of sandals, my safety and peace of mind is compromised. I hate it. I'm scared. I want this to stop.

compo

i'm trapped in these walls called love

never cry over things never meant for me

put myself in the losing end

coz you're just worth it, worth the risk



in the absence of certainty

i am sure



i don't want to say goodbye,

i can't and i won't

i will never ask questions

for answers i am not ready to hear,

not ready to handle



who i am and what i have

i lost myself



love means never having to say you're sorry

but i'm sorry you're not the one for me

i'm sorry that things don't go our way

still, i can't let go, won't let go

kompo: CLOSET

bilanggo sa katotohanan,

kahit saang anggulo tignan

hindi maibahagi, hindi maisiwalat

(pag-ibig ko sa yong tapat/tapang ko ay hindi sapat)



kaligayahan ko'y aking kasiraan

unti-unting nalulunod, tila di makahinga

nakakulong sa sarili kong mundo

lumuluhang mag-isa



di alam kung may makakaunawa

dalangin ko'y inog ng mundo'y mag-iba

bigyan ako ng pag-asa

Makamtan ang kaligayahan

ninanais, inaasam



mahagkan ang yong labi

maangkin ang iyong puso

mahawakan ang iyong kamay

makita ka, makasama ka



ngunit kay lupit ng mundo

kahit saglit na mahalaga

tila ako'y mabibigo

na makuha

Poetic justice to a bleeding soul.. hehehe..

visions...
visions I want to remain
visions I want to fade away as they bring so much pain

souvenirs and tokens of love that could never be
some tangible, some not
yet they bring lasting memories that never want to leave

words may be enough
but your love is all I want

I've held your hand, kissed your lips
Felt your breath on my skin
But I know, I'll never have your heart.

please let me go
or let me in
either way, i'll seek refuge in myself

you're free
soon, you'll no longer be
another hurt, another wish to be numb

couldn't hate you
coz you're oblivious
to this feeling burning in me

i want to see what's ahead of me
desperate in saving my tears
for something I can't have
-- I almost have