Tuesday, May 6, 2008

Grateful

This past week has been wonderful. I've never felt so at peace like this in a long time. Sure, there are problems that I have to deal with everyday but you know what, overall, I have everything to be grateful for. I've always believed that we learn not only from our triumphs, but also from our failures - that teach us to be better and to look forward to another opportunity to make things right. Aaah, the thought of HOPE, it brings wonder, it brings optimism, strength, wisdom and faith in one thought of true HOPE. =)

I'm grateful that I am blessed with STRENGTH ~ to take on the role of a strong woman like my mom. Every now and then, I cry in my sleep or when I'm with Csar talking to him about her. I realised how I missed out on a lot of things that I would've enjoyed with her around. It would've been wonderful to have her beside me all the time. But with the things I've been going through, I wouldn't want her to be here. I knew she would get out of her way again to help even when she's tired or not feeling well. I want her to enjoy the company of our Creator and not worry. But with how things are going in my life, I know that she went out of her way to ask God to help us out. Somehow, things are still like the way they were before.

I'm grateful that I still have a CHOICE. With the price hike on fuel, food and everything consummable, you'd fear that you would get stuck with the cheapest products, regardless of they're quality. But here I am, even with my humble salary, I still have a choice. I can still buy the things I like and want after buying the things I need. Isn't that something to be grateful for? =) Truly, God provides for our needs, even more.

I'm grateful that I have LOVE. Although Love from another person is not a personal choice, still when you receive love, it's how you accept and embrace it that makes that love different for you. Sometimes, we end up disappointed and hurt when we get a different kind of love from a person. We are frustrated and sometimes blame ourselves when one doesn't love us much more than a friend, when we want to have a romantic relationship with that person and all we get is the good ole platonic relationship. How tragic is that?!

Receiving love is much harder than giving it. But I am blessed. I have Ceasar, who is my best friend, confidante, critic and soulmate. We fought almost everyday - on the phone, when we're together. Before I used to think of those fights as signs that our relationship will not last and that it was bound to end soon. I hate goodbyes and I fear the unknown. I'm scared that I'm giving so much to myself to a relationship that was not meant to be. I asked for space, I got it but ended up being lonelier than ever, incomplete and lost.

We still fight almost everyday. We're both intellectual, although at different levels. We analyze the situations presented to us at different perspectives which could sometimes cause conflicts between us. But now I see these fights, arguments, debates or whatever you wanna call it as an opportunity to know each other better and a chance to grow together.

I'm so blessed to have him. He is not perfect. (WHO IS?!) but I'm sure that he's right for me. It's hard to describe what we have, some people might find it boring but the simplicity of our relationship makes it wonderful. We enjoy our conversations, we both love to eat and listen to different songs. We both find learning and reading exciting. We almost have the same sets of values for our family. We value education, equality and respect. Material comfort is important but not as important as raising smart, respectful and God fearing children.

I'm also blessed that I have a better relationship now with my Dad. I plan to visit him more often, have more late afternoon talks with him. I can now talk to him about my relationship with Ceasar coz before he doesn't like the idea of my having a boyfriend - guess I'm old enough now.

Now that I have finally accepted what kind of father he is to me, I find myself enjoying his company and appreciating what he has to offer regardless if it lived up to my expectations. Life is too short to focus on what we don't or can't have.

I'm blessed that I have a sister like Josine. She's one of my sources of strength and seeing what she's becoming makes everything I'm doing all worth it and purposeful. She makes me laugh and she's a constant reminder of the what truly matters most. Actually, she's more practical and grounded as I am.

I'm blessed to have friends who love me for the crazy complicated person that I am.

Love is all around me. I may not deserve it but that'shat real love is all about!

This is just the start. I would love to post more of the reasons why I'm grateful everyday!

Ciao!

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