for sundaycame

Facebook note..
The year 2007 is a year of transition for me. People may not understand the logic of everything that has come into being, but as I see things the way they are now, everything will be for the best.

I lost my mom last year to a heart attack that no one expected. It wasn't a stroke that may have given me the opportunity to serve my mom. It wasn't.My mom wasn't given the second chance. I never have that second chance.

But I found how a lot of people loved my mom in their own special ways. Yes, my mom was indeed hurt by a lot of people in her life, but in the end, what mattered to her were the people she so cared about.

In the last days of my mom here on earth, friends became brothers and sisters, a part of our now, small family.

I know that losing my mom would bring a big change in my life. I no longer have the luxury of looking after my own interest. I see every penny worth saving for my sister's school expenses. I promised my mom that I will take care of everything, once my sister is in college. And I am determined to keep that promise.

All that I dreamed of having in my life will now have to take a back seat. I have to be a big sister/parent/guardian/friend/provider for my sister. I have to put her needs first over mine.

I realised how unselfish my mom was to do everything that I am doing now all these years and even more -- without complaining. I know she cried when she's all alone or when she prayed to God when she's tired or disappointed or hurt-- I just didn't know that it was THIS hard.

My love for music and my commitment to my friends/bandmates were not spared from this change. I officially left the band last year without talking to them. I just didn't have the heart and the guts to tell them. I feel that I have failed them but it's something that I must do. I don't want to keep them from achieving their dream. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself if those God-given talents will be never be recognised. I believed in them then, and I still believe in them now even though I'm no longer with them in the path they are taking.

I know leaving the band was somehow synonymous to saying goodbye to my brothers. Again, I don't have the luxury to feel regret. I just did what I have to do. This is for my mom and my sister and I guess, for myself too.

I am not making excuses. I just can't be the same person as I was before. The loss was just too much for me.


**I just hope you will find it in your heart someday to understand AND forgive me. I really wish you all the best. You are my brothers -- beyond music.. Thank you for everything.