I think the most difficult thing that could happen when you think you are falling out of love with someone you thought you'd spend the rest of your life with is when there is no reason for you to fall out of love with that person.
I am going through this. I think I am falling for someone else as a result of what is happening between me and my boyfriend. Or is it the other way around?
I am with my greatest love, who came at the most unexpected time of my life. With him, I became better and stronger. I now know myself better. Being with him means being certain of what life has in store for me.. for my future family. He is responsible, intelligent, smart, funny and compassionate. He says that his dreams started to unfold when he found me. I could say I feel the same. We almost have the same dreams but different paths to take. Still, I don't mind. He is the best thing that ever happened to my life.
Things started becoming tough for us when he gets himself involved with so many things. Business. School. Teaching. The Band. He is everywhere! 24 hours is never enough to get everything done. Eventhough we are together, it seems like we are miles apart. It's like our time to be together is limited because he has more important things to do. I know it's unfair. I mean, it's not all FUN right? But I AM part of his life, not a furniture or appliance that you use when he feels like it or it is convenient for him. i told him about my concerns over and over again. That he has to take things slow. He should get himself involved that he can comfortably managed. But my concerns fell on deaf ears. I know where he is coming from, he is basically making for the mistakes he did back when his mom was still able to support him. But time won't make it easier for you. I know that. But he never listened.
This problem has always bothered us many times before -- poker, PS2, fraternity, brods, drinking, etc. We almost parted ways because of these, because he often got lost in the way of things. Yet, we managed to rise above them. But now it's different... There's something wrong with me.
I think I'm falling for someone else. A friend. A friend who will never see me as more than a friend. Still, I'm here wondering what could be. What if I'm free? What if I can make that decision for myself without considering other people's feelings? What if I just tell him the truth? Plain what ifs? But I can't bring myself to do it.. It's not me.
Fate surely has an awful sense of humor. Why let my friend and my paths crossed again, now when I am vulnerable to temptation, to a new kind of love, to hate, to revenge? I know nothing can come out this, but I'm still here making that connection, testing the waters, testing my will, but I feel I am already losing, yet willingly, I allow myself to be in it.
He makes me laugh, makes me feel special without the intention of messing with my brain. We kid around about being romantic, but i know it's nothing for him. I'm the one who's sick enough to play them over and over again in my mind and indulge in the happiness it brings. THIS IS ME BEING STUPID.
This situation is physically and emotionally draining for me. I talked to my friend and with her words, I came to this decision, I have to come clean, tell my great love the truth and just wait for his decision.
I told him everything. I told him that I am in the brink of committing infidelity because I like how I am being treated, how I feel attracted (although things between me and my friend are not even close to sexual) and attractive, how I wanted to be free and explore the possiblities. I get the sudden feeling that I don't want to settle down yet. I'm not sure if I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I'm not even sure if I can be with him anymore. I feel like I want to be alone. Date again perhaps, just feel that i am free to make my OWN choices, choices for MYSELF and not for anybody else.
After our talk, we decided to start all over again. Still together, but more freedom to do what we have and want to do. It's like we're free to do what we want to do but our being together will constantly remind us of our plans.. In the end, we don't know if we will end up together. This is our last shot. And I'm just making sure that I make the most out of the situation so that I won't feel that I was actually compelled to stay because this is my comfort zone. I want to make the choices that I want for myself and my future.
